I’ve been dreaming again. Deep worlds with labyrinths and characters from the far corners of my life. I wake with thumbprints of emotion all over me, small bruises the price I pay for my subconscious to wrestle with whatever her heart desires. I will not turn from feeling, even when it hurts; when my lungs flap wild and I think I’ll burst, I somehow always get air. There’s oxygen everywhere and I trust in that like I trust in gravity—an existence that does not fail, that does not change but for my desire to engage it: my breath can blow out candles or stoke the beginning of a fire. I can jump for joy from a bridge, or stare down at the water and wish for its churning to stop so that I may splat like I would on cement. Feelings will always be there, for that is to be human, and human I am. I can withstand 90 seconds of any feeling—the average time they take to pass through. I open myself to them, to it. I remain unattached, but invested. I bow to the power of the heart, the tireless work she does to keep me alive and in alignment with my values. I pray my own prayers to the rustle of leaves and steam rising from the sun. It’s humid here in Virginia, and I cannot help but sweat and shine.
June was good to me, full of soul and all sorts of feelings—a trip to California to connect with old friends and lots of family. Rivers and oceans, poems and sorrow—griefs that come and go—joys I feel bubbling, and much much anticipation of all that’s to come. Happy, happy summer, my friends!
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WHAT I’VE BEEN READING
[p.s. you can set me “Emma Athena” as your Bookshop.org beneficiary, if you’re looking to buy books from a website that’s not A-m-a-z-o-n and simultaneously support creative endeavors (me).]
You Dreamed of Empires by Alvaro Enrigue. An incredibly refreshing take on Hernan Cortes’ meeting with Moctezuma, set one fine morning in 1519—a day that becomes riddled with psychedelics, subversive princesses, a couple delicious breaks of the fourth wall, and special acquaintance with the famed “cahuayos” (deer without antlers, aka horses) that’s so obsessed the royal emperor and shit across his herbal gardens. Who’s neck gets snapped first in this account?
Yerba Buena by Nana Lacour. Thanks for my friend Carly for this recommendation. If you like Emily Henry or Kristin Hannah or Lily King, you’ll enjoy this braided narrative that links two women from different parts of California—full of heart, grit, and the best of humanity, they are both tested and rise to their challenges.
Little Eyes by Samanta Schweblin, trans. by Megan McDowell. I LOVED THIS, as it made me think A LOT about humanity. Imagine Furbies that have cameras for eyes and wheels that someone else is maneuvering via remote control. Imagine these “pets” have replaced dogs and cats, and that the human “keepers” who buy these Furbies have no idea who they will be paired with, no idea who is going to be behind the camera and the movements, unless the “dweller” decides and works out how to reveal/communicate (nonverbally) their identity. Imagine these Furbies grow as popular as dogs are today, and the demand for dwelling opportunities rises in tandem. Both sides, the keepers and dwellers alike, pay into the system. Each depends on the other, somehow—some drawn to being watched, others drawn to the watching. What unfolds in this near-future world built is an eerie platform for humanity to begin wrestling with itself. Would you rather be a keeper, or a dweller? On display and in-company or absolutely anonymous? Like Ishiguro’s “Klara and the Sun” the story does more talking than the sentences themselves. Brilliantly, by looking at and through a rotating series of individuals around the world, Schweblin connects far-flung corners that spark a collective existential fire from which I could not look away.
Thirst by Marina Yuszczuk, trans. by Heather Cleary. The best vampire novel I’ve… ever read? Set in both modern and early nineteenth-century Buenos Aires, the story follows two women and their unquenchable thirsts. Felt like part-Frankenstein, part Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado. “Thirst plays with the boundaries of genre while exploring the limits of female agency, the consuming power of desire, and the fragile vitality of even the most immortal of creatures.”
Not A River by Selva Almada, trans. by Annie McDermott. A macabre, uneasy novella about masculinity, guilt, and irrepressible desires… written in spare and timeless prose. Not just any river, this river has a story—people are not who they seem, and the hooking of a stingray while three men are out fishing ignites a whole town, drawing out that which most do not want to see. “A luxurious wisp of a novel that never wastes a word…”
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WHAT I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO
Maggie Rogers covering Joni Mitchell, at Red Rocks no less
The Philharmonik, NPR Tiny Desk’s 2024 contest winner
Waxahatchee’s new album Tiger’s Blood, in particular: “Crimes of the Heart” and “Evil Spawn”
Charlotte Day Wilson’s new album Cyan Blue. I love her low voice.
The whole 2012 Atta Boy album Out of Sorts, in particular: “Walden Pond” (thanks also to Carly for sharing)
WHAT I’VE BEEN WATCHING
(⭐️/5)
Priscilla ⭐️⭐️⭐️ I watched this biopic on my flight to CA, and it inflamed me—watching the manipulative / destructive power dynamic between Elvis and Priscilla. He controls her, and she tries to navigate her relationship, what becomes her life as best she can… but what can you really do with a narcissist who won’t stop dangling dreams in front of you, then playing them (you) like a puppet? Eventually you leave them, or get left, and to survive either requires a strength that must be stolen and hidden in bits and pieces.
Fair Play ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ This psychological thriller also plucked several resonant chords (RE: man feeling threatened by woman’s success) but this one I really really enjoyed. No character is pure “good” or “evil.” The complexities, the ironies abound. And Phoebe Dynevor (who plays Daphne in Bridgerton) crushed.
Madame Web ⭐️⭐️ I found too many plot points too convenient, albeit the cast was strong and I’d probably watch a sequel.
Valeria ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Now that I’ve finished the third season (basically Spain/Madrid’s version of Sex and the City), I’m so excited for the fourth… and sad I have to wait an undetermined amount of time for it to be released!
Mean Girls ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Yes, I love a good musical, it’s true. This was perfectly campy, IMO, and Reneé Rapp crushed.
&&&& the Euro Cup and Copa América, two great men’s soccer tournament getting me excited for the Olympics this month!
Sha’Carri Richardson in the 100m finals, blasting her way to the Olympics. Nikki Hilz in the 1500m trials, guaranteeing their spot on Team USA. Sydney McLaughlin-Levrone blasting the 400m hurdles world record in her trial run.
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WHAT I’VE BEEN EATING
New to my palate this month were dumplings from Afghanistan and a Burmese salad with fermented green tea-leaf dressing. YUM.
WHAT I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT
Dressing for the female gaze, and how much more fun. it. is.
The incontrovertibly depressing state of our world… wars happening in major corners, all effectively normalized. Those of us out of harm’s way can easily tailor our lives (to work for us) so they’re not too inflaming, too harsh, too sad… trimming that which does not serve us from our lines of view, overlaying music to tailor any chaos around us. We all seem to be main characters strutting through the apocalypse with sunglasses and headphones on. If only someone could hack the system and plug us all into one of those silent disco parties so we have no choice but to dance, and to dance with a vigor that flings off our glasses and exposes our world as the interconnected system it is and always has been. If only we all chose the unified silent disco, which somehow seems the epitome of us: connected yet independent. If only.
WHAT I’VE BEEN LEARNING
Procrastination as an invitation to investigate emotional currents. Why am I procrastinating? What am I avoiding?
A new knitting stitch, the broken rib stitch, which I’m using on a new sweater vest project from Petite Knit.
My love for meditation only grows stronger the more I meditate.
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WHAT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO
More river days at Great Falls NP.
More sunbathing as a mental-health cleanser, à la Sylvia Plath.
More dinners with my parents before I move to Iowa City in August.
More laps in the pool, games on the field, and love in my heart.
xx Emma
What’s been tickling your senses this month? Leave a comment or hit the reply button!
Love this: "Feelings will always be there, for that is to be human, and human I am."